youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
