is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
