I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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