Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
