Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dicks are not precious.
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