She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
