wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
