I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
