my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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