So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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