Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
