Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's never too late to be topless.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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