Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
