Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
