Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Say something about gay babies.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
whose parrot is this?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
