We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This house was built for laser tag.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
