she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
barbara walters just said penis...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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