It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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