Taylor Swift is so right about you.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
