I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
