Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
