people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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