I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
