just come out here and I will go home with you...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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