he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
