The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
