I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
