Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
