do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
