A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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