you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
