i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
