so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
