I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
