oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
