I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
