Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
