The maid of honor just puked.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
