I'm going to jail i love you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
