I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
