I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
