Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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