she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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