dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They took my balls.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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