Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
