I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
