It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
