Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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