After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
