i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
