So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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