Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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