Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
