i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
